Conversation 2 · Real Life, Real Feelings
Still Learning
“Growing up doesn't mean having it all figured out.”
Late evening at the round kitchen table. The house is quiet. A half-empty mug of coffee sits in front of Dad, and Bella is spinning a salt shaker on the table.
Dadwatching the salt shaker spin, then looking upHey. Thanks for staying at the table with me for a minute. I know today was a lot. Mom and I spent all afternoon on the phone trying to map out what's next.
Bellastops the salt shaker with her hand, looking at itAre you guys still moving things around on your spreadsheets?
DadYeah. Trying to. But to be completely honest with you, I hit a wall about an hour ago. I realized I don't actually know what the right move is yet.
Bellalooks up, genuinely confusedBut... you're the dad. Don't you just call someone and get another company to hire you? You always know exactly what to do when things break.
Dadsmiles faintly, shaking his headWhen the dishwasher leaks or the lawnmower won't start, sure, I can usually figure that out. But this is different. I think when you're eleven, you look at grown-ups and think we have this giant rulebook in our heads where every single answer is already written down.
BellaWell, yeah. Because you guys make all the rules. You tell us when to go to bed, how to save money, and how to fix our mistakes. It feels like you already finished the test and we're the ones still trying to pass it.
Dadleans forward, keeping his voice steady but honestHere's the secret nobody tells you until you're older: growing up doesn't mean you magically get it all figured out. We don't get a secret instruction manual when we turn thirty or forty. Most of the time we're just learning as we go, making the best guess we can with the pieces in front of us. Today, I don't have enough pieces yet.
Bellaquiet for a moment, processingThat's kind of scary, Dad. If you don't know what's going to happen, how am I supposed to know if I'm going to be okay?
DadIt *is* scary. And it's okay to feel that. But there's a difference between not knowing the future and not being able to handle it. I might not know what city we'll be living in six months from now, or exactly how we're going to get you back on a horse yet. But I do know that your mom and I aren't going anywhere. We're figuring it out in real time, right alongside you.
Bellasighs, her shoulders dropping a bitI always thought once you became a parent, you just stopped being worried about stuff. Like you became bulletproof or something.
DadNobody is bulletproof, kiddo. We just get better at carrying the heavy stuff without dropping it. I'm still learning how to be a dad through a hard year, just like you're learning how to navigate losing something you love. We're both beginners at this part.
Bellareaches out and slides the salt shaker toward himWell... if you don't know the answers, at least you don't have to pretend you like the corporate spreadsheets.
Dadlaughs gently, catching the shakerThat is absolutely true. No more corporate speak at this table. Just real life.
Tap a face to read what each of us was thinking, underneath it all.
✎ Bella’s doodle prompt
Draw what you used to think being a grown-up looked like.
★ For your table
When did you first realize your own parents were making it up as they went?